You Never Will Be

I think something I've always gleamed over while growing up was what I never will be when I am an adult. I'm slowly coming to terms with this realization. It's nothing devastating, it's more of a "coming to terms with reality".
I will never have a safety net large enough. Things happen, and there will be hard times. I understand that now. I used to think there was no reason I should ever have to live "uncomfortably" (i.e. hungry, without electricity, in a dumpy place) but I know now that it won't be "uncomfortable". It will just be trials. Much like Odysseus I will have to overcome hard times. But I don't need to think of them as some terrible misfortune. I should see them as challenges. And I accept.
I will never be sure. This is the biggest one. When I was little, adults always seemed so sure. It seemed like they just knew what was happening, and what was going to happen. Then our family began moving all over the midwest, and I watched my parents jump from job to job. And I got older, and tried to figure out what job I wanted. "Choose your career" always seemed the theme of the past 20 years. Choose what you will do for the rest of your life. But then I talked to adults. And my favorite response from those who I consider "settled" is "I'm still deciding what I want to be when I grow up". I went from vet, to artist, to animator, to movie director, to nurse, to vet again. And now I've realized. I will never be sure. I have to take that chance, and dive into something I love. And right now, all I know is I love animals, and so I'm putting my chances on becoming a veterinarian.
I will never be smart. I will always have knowledge, but I will always look back on my past self and think how  stupid I was. "Smart" is an infinite term, there is no cap on how "smart" someone can be - and because of that there will always be someone smarter. I have to settle with the fact that what I know now is my reality, and I will know more later, but it is unending. I can never declare "I know it all" because it's impossible to know it all. But I can certainly try.
And finally, life will never be "perfect". I remember visiting my cousin Karis not long after her first son was born. Every day she cleaned and cooked, and did yard work and other chores, alongside caring for her child. She made the off hand comment, "there will always be work to do." My mom says the same thing. "[Housework is] unending!" I think about the kind of home I want one day, and my job, and everything I want in my ultimate goal. But I know now, I will never reach the point where everything I have is "perfect". Because there will always be something I want, or need, or needs done. When my life reaches my goal, it will never be "goal accomplished" and stays that way indefinitely. Some of the best advice I've gotten is "always have a goal". The idea is never to have a final cap that you reach. You never want to reach that point where you say "Now what?". You must keep working towards something to keep yourself fulfilled. The good news is, there's so much to do in the world that you could fill ten lifetimes of goals with them if you wanted.
So to sum it up, nothing is set in stone. You have to be flexible to be happy in your life, and always be working to make yourself better. Take risks, and have fun along the way. You only get one life time to do what you want. There's nothing better than now, and "no day but today". So enjoy yourself.

Working for the Weekend

I just stayed up all night (it's 6:10 AM) being responsible. To an extent. I did a little research in to what other kiddies (I've watched too much Tales from the Crypt, I tell ya) my age have in savings. It ranged anywhere from thousands of dollars in debt to spoiled rotten with 50k in the bank. But the general consensus was try to have anywhere from $1-$2k in the bank if you can help it, but focus on your school work! Most people were laughing at the thought of a 20 year old having a savings to begin with.
They were also lamenting their lack of funds.
Then I applied to about 6 more jobs back in Idaho (on top of the mountain of teachers I emailed, and my application already in to Wally World), and hopefully I'll hear back from one eventually. Not working this break has kicked my ass.
I found a great personal finance excel spreadsheet, so I nabbed that. I don't need it at to moment because I'm not exactly... earning money. But it'll come in handy down the line.
Then I spent many many hours searching for an apartment in or around Fort Collins, CO. Again. The goal is to find a cheap, pet friendly apartment. And I mean cheap. And I think I've finally succeeded. This place is about a half hour away from the campus, which is a little further than what I'd like, but in any case, the rent is a wonderful $375/month. Granted, it's a studio apartment no larger than my bedroom in MO, and rent does not cover electricity, but otherwise it's a rather great place. It's literally down the street from the grocery store, mall, and other key places - and it's in a nice neighborhood. The major holding-my-breath-til-I-know stipulation is the pet policy. They didn't post it anywhere, so I'll have to call them if I want to know.
Would it be odd to call an apartment complex with questions almost two years before you'd ever even move in? Hm..
After my apartment hunt, I decided to idly browse vehicles people were selling in CO. I found the Pizza Planet truck, so yeah I was mostly just messing around.
I wish I had been able to work up a larger savings. I feel like I have nothing, especially considering the larger scope of things. But I suppose I will have to manage, and hopefully be able to work something up in the next year and a half. At least enough to get me started and out on my own.
Here's hoping.