The Circular Argument

If I were to come to you and say “I found this seed. The label said it was a money tree seed. If we plant it, the branches will bear cash, rather than fruit!” You would immediately use your suspicion, skepticism, and general ability to doubt any wild claim brought to you. We’ve all encountered it. On everyday commercials someone makes a wild claim, saying this herb will cure that disease, or this item has this effect on the body.

So your natural reaction would to ask something like, “I don’t think it’ll grow money. Why would you believe that?”

Now, here’s the baffling part. Your innocent healthy dose of reservation has sent that person into the offense. You have questioned their word! Their mind! Their ability to know something!  And so they argue. But they have a poorly constructed argument.

“Because the label said it would!”

The label said it would grow money, and it will grow money, because it said so on the label. It’s a circular argument, one that no sane person would ever accept. Until we throw a twist in to the mix.

Now it’s a new argument. Same principle, and we’ll see if you catch it.

“The bible is written by God!”

“I don’t think it is. Why would you believe that?”

“Because God said he wrote it. And what God writes is true!”

The bible is true, because it says it’s written by God, and what God writes is true, and so the bible is true.

Some people cannot even conceive that this is a circular argument, making no more evidence for itself than the money tree seed. If I want to prove some statistics are correct, I do research in fields outside those statistics. Citing the statistics are correct because they said they are is not a valid argument. The fragile “god wrote it” argument is so brittle because they have not given evidence from outside the bible that it could be true. And if even one part of that line can be shown to be false, then the whole thing crumbles. If the bible was not written by God, then it is not perfect, and is not true. If the bible is not true, then it was not written by God. If what God writes is false, then the bible is false. Any one of these scenarios breaks the world that is a religion’s foundation.

But we need to recognize these sorts of fallacies, which brings us back to the first thing we did. We used our doubt. Hesitation is not an evil spawn of Satan – it is how we as a species have survived. To this day, we tell our children “Do not believe someone if they say they have something good or fun in their car,” we are asking our children to use skepticism to protect themselves. Even as adults we must use this skill to avoid scams and rip-offs. We know that magnets don’t balance our chi, or that you can suck out toxins through the bottom of your feet. Everyday our ability to doubt fantastic claims (such as previously mentioned commercials) keeps us sharp.

So why in the world would you turn off this ability with some things, especially something that is supposed to be as important as a religion? Or worse yet, why would you want to be a part of something that would tell you to turn it off? If your religion tells you that having reservations is the devil in your ear, or that if you’re having conflicts with facts or morals of your religion to just ignore it; that should be a red flag to get the hell out of there. This is a belief system that is supposed to influence your everyday life and decisions, and is supposed to tell you what the afterlife (and in some religions, prelife) was/is like. If they can’t answer important and difficult questions (and I mean, full and satisfying answers) then you may need to rethink if you have fallen for another scam, or worthless effort.

How much money have you pumped in to your church?

Let me backtrack and clarify “full and satisfying answers”. I’ve asked many religious people, religious leaders, and other people in general some hard questions about a belief system. In my experience they sometimes do have answers to some of my inquiries. But most of the time I get answers that involve long stories that never actually tackle the question at hand, or I’m told to pray about it (I take that as, “go make up an answer”). Don’t get me wrong, if they give me the round-about answer option, I always ask the question again. “So why did God endorse slavery before? You only told me about Martin Luther King. I’m not sure how that correlates here.”  They normally give me an exasperated look, like I just missed the plane over head.  If I had to ask, then I couldn’t conceive an answer myself, so believe it or not – but I do want you to spell it out for me. You’re not Jesus, so please stop attempting parables. You really suck at it. Give me an answer and explanation if you will, not a story that you hope answers my question in some far-off way.

Lack of satisfying answers keeps me away from religions. I often joke that I am the queen of bullshitting. I can write enormously long papers when all the while I’m really saying nothing. It is a handy skill when the teacher is more concerned about length than quality, but it gives me a stunning ability to recognize bullshit when I see it. And you wouldn’t believe how many people talk out of their ass.

I once wrote a very long note in my facebook about historical facts versus the bible. Maybe one day I’ll post it here, but my point is that throughout that loosely written impromptu paper, I sourced just about EVERYTHING I had to say. I even quoted bible verses, and some general Christian leaders. I did my homework, and my facts came from everywhere. I’ve always had a fundamental problem with “praying to God if you are doubting the existence of God” solutions. You don’t ask your church about history lessons any more than you would ask your math professor how to paint (if someone points out that their math professor is an artist I swear… just get the point I’m making). Research what historians say about history, and then you can check that against what your church said had happened. Treat the historians as the accurate source, not your religion.

I have to say though, the whole concept of “proving” religions irks me slightly. In the scientific community, we find facts and then we draw conclusions. In that order. Any instances to the contrary in our past have ended in disaster. To use an old elementary school story: Newton had the fact that the apple fell, then he drew the conclusion of gravity.

Religion on the other hand has this nasty habit of trying to find facts to support their conclusion. They figure the same principle works, but honestly it is only going to end in disaster – I guarantee you.

As Bill Maher said, “Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong.”

Maternal Fix

I’ve always had the remarkable ability to remain stone-faced in the event of a mass apocalypse, but this past week it’s been like my brain decided to take a shit break and leave me blubbering like an idiot who can’t remember where her glasses are.

(They’re on my face)

Let’s just say this week has been running off the bi-polar charts (from normal to it’s the gogdamn second coming). First off, the weather has just been a dick. It’s been raining on and off every twenty minutes, and I just can’t take it anymore. My psyche is cracking under the tension of never knowing if I’ll be buried under snow in ten minutes, or broiling alive. And it makes predicting when I can and cannot ride my motorcycle a living nightmare. And worse still when I predict wrong.

Rain hurts. A lot.

Then my classes were taking a cue from the weather and go just as crazy, if not more. The main culprit was my Agriculture Accounting class. Now let me tell you something, the boredom that ensues from this class is so overwhelming that just thinking about it puts me in a state of drooling stupor. My brain just simply cannot function fully when faced with words like “variation equity”. I have a theory that accountants are really a working class of ants that disguises themselves as a human with the sole purpose of creating a brain tumor in the shape of a calculator. (That’s how they get us)

I had a mental break-down in the middle of this normally stupefying class when two hours (on top of an already four hour invested work load) magically disappeared off my USB. IT’S MAGIC. TA-DA. Watch the magic tears magically sprout from my magic face. MAGIC.

Soon as I got my wits about me, and I redid the entire thing, our professor’s wife came in toting donuts. It was like fate was rewarding me for regressing into an elementary school state of mind. Life’s just not fair, I just want to go out to recess, and computer magic is screwing everything up! Now shut up and eat a donut.

So I did.

I then came home and found the incredibly cheap book I’d purchased came in. A-Z of Canine Diseases and Health Problems. It’s like a handy dandy Merck Manual quick reference. (Excuse me, my nerd is showing). This thing made my day, it was like Christmas came early in the form of $4. Yesssss.

But then the final straw happened. All these little frustration had built up over the week, so little in fact that I don’t even recall ANY of them, but they were most definitely there. And finally my package from my mother arrived. I had recently updated my computer to Windows 7 (I’m so hip), but unfortunately I needed to redownload pretty much all of my programs, including Photoshop CS3. And so mom shipped it to me.

Well, to her benefit, photosmart and photoshop do sound a lot alike.

I wasn’t even particularly upset over not having photoshop. I’m an adult, I kept telling myself, and it’s just a program. Inform mom and she’ll send it right away. Not even a deal.

But for some reason, I was just completely devastated, and incredibly inconsolable. The whole week exploded from my eyes like a sprinkler system, and I didn’t even have one thought to grasp on to that could explain my sudden depression. So I did what any other girl in college would do. Turned my pillow into a giant Kleenex and when I calmed down into a hiccupping mess I called my mother and started again.

If I believed in God, I’d tell you now that Mothers were the most perfect thing ever made by this God, and everything else was just by-product. Within just a few minutes she had me calmed, okay with my week, and feeling better than I had in almost a month. The stew of rage that had been bubbling in the recesses of my mind had been drained in an instant.

Why the hell was I crying? Man, I felt stupid. I’m pretty sure my mom has a “make daughter sane” button she just has to reboot every so often, and only she has the ability to do it.

Misconceptions of Agriculture

Perhaps I've gained a sense of loyalty after working with farmers, ranchers and agriculture in general for several years now, but I feel like a few things need to be said. 

It's a really complicated idea, trying to be humane while still running or buying any livestock for food. I'm an enormous advocate of humane treatment of animals, but let me try and lay out the details in a nice summary:

I am a pre-veterinarian major at a university highly involved in Agribusiness. Most of my classes deal with beef and dairy cattle, sheep, goats, and even horses. When farmer's run their business, they are making "business" decisions. If a cow breaks out with BVD, he'll treat, but now that cow cannot be sold for meat for a full month. Normally this isn't a problem, but some treatments that would be better for the cow would mean the cow has "tainted" meat or milk and and product can never be sold. (Same is true of other livestock animals sold for meat). As a business decision, it can never be done. These just aren't family pets, they are the income and lively hood of these people.

BUT keep in mind, a smart and GOOD farmer will run his business humanely. If his animals are low stress, fed high quality and always healthy (i.e. large amount of space and social interaction with other animals) they yield more weight gain, thrive better and tend to taste better overall. Nutritional needs are evaluated every month, and vets are constantly called in if the slightest sniffle is made. It's just good business.

And as a side point, heifers need to be milked. If given the choice, they will walk into a machine several times a day just to be milked. Any mother will tell you how painful it is if that milk just sat there. (I make this point for some people won't drink milk saying it's inhumane in some way.)

I won't get into slaughter houses, but I do know the good ones are done with pressurized bullets. Animal comes in, and next thing it knows it's dead. Never feels pain, or sees it coming. Running the animals through the shute can be stressful if done incorrectly.

A lot of organizations come around farms and wait for days just to snapshot something "cruel" and twist the context of what was happening. Cruel organizations producing livestock aren't as frequent as they are made out to be, because its just poor business to run a company like that at all. Their profit margin is low, and they are weeded out fast. There are regulations in place for farms, and ones ran inhumanely are shut down fairly quickly.

Agriculture takes the brunt end of a lot of misdirected anger. Slaughter houses are not run by farms, silages put off 10x more methane than cows, and good farmers really are looking out for the best for their animals and their families. I'm not saying bad things never happen, but more often than not it's a weighed business decision to send the calf to slaughter, or perhaps they were ignorant and did not know a certain strand of virus was in town. They lost their whole operation, and it's not like they are happy. They WANT their animals healthy.

Now, cruelty to pets or horses (which are considered companion animals more and more) is never tolerated in my mind. There is no justification for it, and should not be forgiven. 

Need some quiet time

I don't know if I just have a headache from so much school work or what, but my patience has been run thin. I'm still trying to figure out some social situations, and I feel like the more I think about it the more disconnected I get.

In the past I've been defensive, and paranoid about what people's intentions are, and while that may have worked in middle school where everyone is rude, snarky and intentionally rude, that way of being became inefficient early in high school. So I moved on to ignoring most everyone, and felt like a point of gossip and ridicule for most people. Late in high school and during my SCC years I switched it up to laid back. This was by far the most pleasant experience I've ever had, but I felt rather blasé about social interactions, and wasn't connecting with anyone.

There must be a balance between emotional attachment and disinterest in the ignorant while feeling a part of the group without being hurt over stupid things being said or done.

Today I looked out the window of my Ag Accounting class and was slightly blinded by the snow covered mountains and it struck me.

The past two weeks I've struggled to look at the stars, to the point of longingly watching the glow-in-the-dark stars on our ceiling with reverence. I breathe in deep on my motorcycle in the outskirts of the town, smelling the farmland and country air. I lingered outside school buildings when it began sprinkling, and sat in silence listening to the fountain in our apartment with a sort of meditation mindset. 

I've been craving nature. Balance and peace of mind. I've been struggling to handle my own emotions and moods, my energy and my mind by overthinking solutions. When all along my body knew exactly what I needed. I need some outdoor activity. I need to go and find peace with myself by not focusing on myself.

I need a hammock in my chaotic life. 

Education at its finest

As some of you know, school has started this week. I've gone through the headache of attending all of my classes at least once, and all I have to say is I will miss spending all my time at the livestock center (however 2/5 classes are there this semester). 

I jumped into Feeds & Nutrition and skipped taking the college algebra and chemistry requirements. I understand chemistry pretty well, considering I've never had a formal education in it, and let's face it - if you can't do algebra, you're an idiot. But it seems like I may be usurped in this decision, for today I will be talking to Dr. Waddoups about going on the graduate school. 

I feel I'm standing at the fork in the road of my life. I've narrowed what I want to do to two options, and I'm having a hard time figuring out if I should choose Brain Path: Veterinary School, or Heart Path: Animal Behavior Doctorate. I've always love animals, and the two subjects I most definitely excel at are animal behavior/handling, and anatomy/physiology. 

My father has always had a love of psychology, and understanding why people do what they do. I think this curiousness has rubbed off on me. Except I love understanding the creatures not speaking to me. It's a bit more of a challenge, and is quickly becoming a more advanced field. We're grasping intangible concepts such as energy, which I describe as body language meets intention. Cesar Millan describes it as your state of being at all times. Are you calm? Are you acting like a leader? Are you frustrated? That's your energy, and your dog reads it all the time. That's what makes them so unique when communicating with us.

Speaking of Cesar, I'm reading "Cesar's Rules" at the moment, and this last chapter I read last night struck a chord with me. I've worked very hard at making Apollo balanced and submission. He's not perfect, he still snaps at Addea, barks at the neighbor's dogs, and gets too excited about certain subjects (i.e. food). But he listens to me at all times, he's very submissive on walks, and understands correction very quickly (oh, I shouldn't jump on you when you're feeding me). But Cesar was regaling a visit with Dr. Ian Dunbar, and how all tricks needed an end. I've always used my energy to release Apollo from a trick, but it's never consistently worked. I've never trained him that after the "sit" trick, there should be a "stand" trick. I felt a humongous "DUH" moment when reading that. Why had I never done that? 

Another important thing Cesar talks about is off leash training. I've never been confident in letting Apollo off leash outside an enclosed area, partly because of my fear that one day he may take off running. He's never shown any indication that he would do this, and I feel like a fool going against my own wisdom (whatever you believe will happen, will) but I think if Apollo's recall or "sit" command was more reliable, I would feel better. Apollo has a bad problem of just looking at me when I tell him to come. I have the bad habit of asking nicely (meekly) and have to work my way up to a commanding "Apollo, come!" until he listens. He always waits for me to be a leader, and I kick myself for not being that at the beginning. 

Another problem I've worked with over the years is asking him to be quiet and calm when a guest arrives. He barks, and jumps, and I've never been consistent with correcting that. One of my main problems is our family has sanctioned off our kitchen and living room as dog zones. It's hard to answer the door and correct the dogs at the same time when we are in separate rooms. It would be nice to place a sign on the door "Dogs in training, please be patient. The door will be answered shortly" Maybe even a "Be calm when entering this house! Don't look, don't touch and no eye contact with dogs!" People may get the wrong idea, our dogs are not aggressive in any way, but if they were in a calm state of mind when entering the house, it helps take away excited energy and makes training the dogs that much easier. The signs would be temporary, because I don't expect everyone who enters our house to conform to an energy that is not natural to them. 

Anyway, these are just some thought I had this morning, and I'm glad to get them off my chest. There's really no use in thinking about what I can do with Apollo right now, he's half the country away. But it's good to have a game plan!

Facebook; All Book No Face

Everyone makes fun of Facebook for being a perfect stalking tool, and while its funny to joke about - in retrospect it is. You can see where people have been in their photos, what they've been doing and how they feel in their statuses, and often what kind of person they are because of those ridiculous quizzes (assuming, of course, that you take those seriously). But who said this was a bad thing?
I'm definitely a bit of a ghost on facebook as far as social interactions through it is concerned. There's a tight-knit group who I chat with almost constantly online, but beyond that I'm more interested in the informal "I'll check your wall to see whats up" rather than talk to you. Which comes in handy. I do have people ask me, "Have you heard from so-and-so?" "Why yes, so-and-so's going to a concert tonight!" Have I spoken to this person recently? Not in months! But I still feel a sense of connection, like the friendship was never really lost, because I am still aware of you and what's going on with your life - which believe it or not I do find interesting.
I make it a point to read through my wall every day down until the last post I read from the day before (which often is mine, because I have a terrible tendency to post at 4 in the morning). I may not have the time nor interest to reply to everything I read, but I get to check up on people I care about.
Which brings me to my next point - I don't friend people unless I truly want to hear from them. And because I only want to hear from people who I am actually friends with (not just any random joe), my friend list is actually at a mere 71 people. (It was at 69, which I found hilarious, for a very long time).
However, this doesn't mean I friend everyone who I know personally. There are some people you can put up with in real life, but online there seems little purpose. If you update your status over 3 times a day, chances are I will unfriend you (although I've taken to merely banishing any posts from you from my port lately - it seems less harsh). Also, if I think how I present myself through facebook may be offensive to you in a way I know you will be constantly berating me for, I will not friend you. My online self is more brazen without the confrontation of a physical being standing me down. But sometimes I make an offhand comment without much thought - but I don't particularly wish to be lectured for voicing my opinion sometimes.
And that's what it boils down to. The internet is for voicing opinion (the social side of it).

This rant isn't really stemming from anything, I just thought it might be nice to explain why I don't have a million friends, and why I don't friend some of the people who request it. Just a rant, in the end.

Gears A-Turning

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and oddly with my time in Missouri growing shorter I seem to be becoming calmer. There was a time in my life where I'd managed to find a sort of inner peace. I felt okay with myself, with the world. It was that feeling you find when listening to rain, or sitting in a field far from the city. Staring into starry space, and when you watch someone you love sleep. Listening to truly touching classical music, or the feeling you have after a particularly moving film. That state - that moment in time is what I strive for in my life. That is what "calm and assertive" means to me. 

But I have a chronic problem that had plagued my life. I'm still trying to figure this out. I have overwhelming feelings of guilt. And it comes without precedence. For example, I've learned to ride horses this past year. Yet when I think of this, I have an inexplicable feeling of guilt bubbling up in my thoughts. All my life there has been this emotion that resembles regret, remorse, or even shame that seems to grow from no where. I've come to question if it is merely a mis-labeled emotion. It feels similar to guilt, but it has no business showing up when it does. 

I've finally overcome this recent guilt trip that has infested my mind for the past month. I've done nothing to warrant the feeling, I assure you, and I am relieved to be rid of it once more. 

That aside, something else I've been mulling over in my mind is marriage. I think marriage has been made into a mandatory tradition in some households - and has become something of a golden idol to worship. It's exalted and revered as the ultimate goal for any go-getter young adult. But I think we are coming to a new horizon where we may need to re-evaluate our priorities. Do we really need to be mass producing in this world struggling to contain us, let alone provide for us? 

But let's say you do decide to marry. You found one who is your perfect match, and love the idea of a recognized bond and commitment to them. I pose a question that many cannot seem to understand (let alone consider): what is your rush? Why must you be married right now? If a lifetime with your other is what you strive for, why would you need to mess up the most romantic part of your life by making it go too quickly? Why would you ruin it with hectic chaos that is the constraint of time, when in the end - time is all you will have? I suppose, being one without religious obligations (about, say, premarital sex) I just don't see the wisdom in making the best months (or years) of your life one big racetrack.   

We seem to be stuck in a rut of "tradition". "Our parents lived this way, and so did theirs. They did just fine - so why change it?" Advancement, making large jumps and changes seems to frighten people. This chronic "close-mindedness" to anything new has inhibited out progress. 

While probably inaccurate, I do enjoy this chart, which shows my point:

My grandfather is afraid to use his computer, yet he has one of the most brilliant minds I've ever seen. His ability to understand mechanics, and his ability to look at the wider scope and create metaphors to relate his knowledge to the real world just floors me. But this intelligent and wise man is frightened by this new well of knowledge. He refuses to even tinker around with the machine - he is so set in his ways that he is denying himself what has grown to be the world at your fingertips. 

My Aunt is so set in what her perception of God is that she refuses to even consider another's opinion. She can brush it off as "satan trying to confuse her." She's hardly ever left her small home outside Piedmont, the town she grew up in. I am unsure if she's ever been outside of Missouri/Illinois. She's become content with her home inside a little town, and she has a wonderful life with her loving husband and tight-knit community, but she's denied herself the sights and sounds of the rest of the world. The wisdom contained out their in new lands is so immense. I am so thankful at my opportunity to go to school out of state. I can't imagine my life had my everything been Missouri. 

I have friends, pretty much all my friends, who are set in their Religion. They do not see the cage around them, even thought they built it themselves. They have the traditional mindset of "keeping in the community". They find the safety in being with only their own religious kin, and have built walls around themselves. Much as a famous writer lamented, (paraphrased) "I fear hell will not be thrust upon us. I fear that we will not have our free will taken forcefully. No, I fear that one day we will hand it over willingly in woven baskets. We will skip willfully to our own demise, humming a tune." The mormons have one particular "rule" (not that they see it as such) that has always bothered me. They can only marry in the Temple. The only ones allowed in their precious Temples are other LDS member.  And so, the only ones they can marry are other mormons. I see this as boundaries. As a limiting field that restricts and chokes it inhabitants. They see it as a liberating opportunity to be with they one they love "forever". Even though everyone goes to heaven regardless? I'm still trying to figure out their objection to civil marriages. An unfortunate wording seems to be the source of the problem. "Until death do we part" seems to mean the marriage is null and void in their minds I suppose. I try not to think about it too much. 

These "traditions" have limited and crushed many opportunities  to expand our mind and knowledge. We choke off so many routes and forks in the road, and take only the well worn, safe, and beaten path of life. Seen by many, with nothing left to be seen. 

I'm not accusing anyone of anything, nor do I expect anyone to change because of a late-night ramble from yours truly. I'm merely voicing my dissatisfaction with some things I've observed. Rushed marriages, rose-colored glasses, unwarranted guilt and religious bashing aside, I suppose I'm just making some notes for myself. But maybe someone will take something from this, and question their lifestyle. Maybe they'll take a chance they never thought they would. And maybe I'm just dreaming.

Maybe I should be dreaming. 

Good night.